Made in USA

April 25
Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt: “…write a poem that takes the form of a warning label . . . for yourself!”

Made in USA

Should not be used for assembling Ikea furniture,
electric wiring or as a plumbing aid. Ever.
Device has no practical use.

Warning: may cause drowsiness when asked about poetry.
Warning: may contain nuts.

Explosive.

Do not stick in formal dinners: risk of inappropriate
behavior, facial expressions and posture.
For best results, insert in lobster bake by the sea.

Caution: Hot!
Handle with care.
Do not use while sleeping; risk of bodily harm.

Requires special handling.
Wash in warm bubbly water or soak in alpine thermal baths;
if stubborn, follow with coconut oil massage.
Warning: Slippery when wet.
Or when smothered in coconut oil.

Warning: falls in love daily.
Requires daily maintenance.

Do not iron; wrinkles are a natural part of the product.
Contents may have settled with time and transportation.

Vomiting may occur if improperly installed in moving vehicles.
No reading in moving vehicles — including maps, GPS
devices or favorite book.
Proceed with caution.
Vomit bag collection included.

Do not agitate when sipping Saint Jean de Bébian.
Keep glass full to max.
Do not expose to direct sunlight when hungover.

Keep out of reach of negativity, dullards and violence.
Expose to good food, writing, and comedy on a regular basis.
Requires patience and attention.
Prone to spontaneous waterworks – complete with nose drip –
or laughter, while administrating exams, walking dog, at red lights
doing Kegels, during dental treatments, or grocery shopping.
Caution: wear ear protection for belly laughs. Have tissues handy.

Limited warranty: some parts irreplaceable.
However, with proper care and maintenance,
this product comes with a lifetime guarantee of satisfaction.

by Elizabeth Boquet, April 2018

13 thoughts on “Made in USA

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